The surprising power of coaching homework

A coaching client recently told me about a colleague who cut her off in meetings — twice. It bothered her, but she didn’t feel confident enough to bring it up. “I hate conflict,” she said. “I’m worried about hurting the relationship. And it’s not like she was trying to put me down — she was just passionate about her point.” I noticed she struggled with setting boundaries and giving feedback.

So I gave her homework: find a moment to tell her colleague what happened and how it made her feel. We even practiced it in the session so she could go in confident.

A week later she came back smiling. “It went so much better than I imagined,” she said.

I started giving “homework” years ago after some clients told me they wished they could try something practical between sessions. It worked so well that I now give homework to everyone. To me, it’s a little magic trick: clients finally make progress on things they’ve been stuck on for months or sometimes years.

Vincent van Gogh, The Sower

Here’s why I think it works:

1. Permission to experiment: We could try new behaviors on our own, but when someone we trust gives us explicit permission — especially if they care about our growth — we’re far more likely to do it. The homework says, “Go ahead, you’re allowed.” And that little nudge can make all the difference.

2. Built-in accountability: If you know your coach is going to ask you about it next week, you’ll probably do it, even if it’s uncomfortable. Accountability turns “I’ll get around to it” into “I guess I’m doing this today.”

3. Tangible progress: Homework is small and doable, but it creates visible change. One client who never had time for big-picture thinking was assigned to block a half day each week, no meetings, and work from a café. The next week he said, “I actually thought strategically for the first time in months.”

4. Tied to bigger goals: Assignments are never random. They’re micro-experiments linked to the client’s larger growth goals. For my meeting-interruption client, the homework directly supported her goal of becoming more comfortable with conflict.

Homework is especially powerful when you’re trying to break free from cultural norms that keep you stuck.

With many of my Asian American clients, the goal is to better understand and honor their own values and talents. That often means trying small experiments like:

• Practice saying no: Decline 5 meeting invites you’d normally accept. Reflect on how it felt and what you learned.

• Find your strengths: Take a strengths assessment and share the results with key stakeholders.

• Track your energy: Keep a Good Time Journal (from Designing Your Life) for a week. Notice which work gives you energy and flow.

• Change your meeting role: If you’re usually a “follower” or “bystander” (David Kantor’s Four Player Model), try “move” or “oppose” in your next 5 meetings. Notice how it feels.
  
  

Often, clients come back with a new sense of accomplishment and confidence — a spark that leads to bigger change.

And you don’t need a formal coach to try this. Create your own homework. Tell someone you trust so they can hold you accountable.

You might be surprised: homework can be fun. And, more importantly, it can be freeing.