The Rare Magic of Multi-Generational Dialogue
I’ve always felt a little awkward talking to teenagers. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, but often, conversations feel one-sided—me asking questions, them offering short replies, or conversations either halt or quickly shifting back to their own world. But something was different with the Beauvais - Izzy, Brooke, and Julia.
This winter, our families grew closer to the Beauvais family whose daughters, Brooke and Julia, skied with Jessica at Franconia Ski Club. Jessica talked about them as a family who eat kimchi frequently. This year, we rented a house near theirs. Over a few months, we had several dinners together in addition to many small conversations. Each dinner gathering, I realized how engaging, curious, and open the conversation was with Izzy, Brooke, and Julia. The conversations with them were quite different from my other encounters with other teenagers.
Here are some of my observations of our dinner conversations:
There was mostly just one conversation at the table, rather than multiple fragmented discussions, even with eight people. Everyone remained engaged until the end of the night —as opposed to kids being drifted away or adults freeing them from unwanted conversations.
All listened attentively to one another. If one of us is interrupted in our conversation, others help out by saying, “Let her finish.”
They all shared their experiences in remarkable detail, openly expressing their feelings without hesitation.
It felt as though no topic was off-limits at the dinner table. Izzy, Brooke, Julia, and Jessica seemed genuinely interested in hearing from adults too.
They also seemed to have a skill for discussing differences of opinion. It’s not that all conversations went without tension. It’s that when there were different opinions or arguments, they were able to work it out by encouraging to be curious, calling out bad behaviors and stressing the importance of listening.
I noticed how much of this dynamic stemmed from their parents. Ben, father, brought warmth to conversations. He had a storyteller’s ease, sharing funny moments from his day, offering details that made the story more interesting.
Allyson had a remarkable way of handling conversations. If any of the kids disagreed or pushed back on something, she responded with respect and steadiness—not ignoring them, labeling them, shutting them down, or reacting emotionally, but engaging thoughtfully. As I have been learning and practicing this ability - leaning in with curiosity and assertiveness - together with many of my coaching clients, I know how remarkable it is to practice this repeatedly like Allyson.
Being around them made me realize how precious this kind of conversation is. It helped me notice and loosen some of my own assumptions. Conversations with new friends often feel unnatural to me, even though I love connecting with people, especially through meaningful and deep exchanges. I can push myself to be light, upbeat, and sociable in a business setting, but my introversion usually makes me hesitant to engage in small talk or to jump in when others are already in discussion.
I also tend to be more cautious when there are age or power gaps in the conversation. I grew up in a culture where everyone is expected to be aware of hierarchy. It manifests as showing more respect to elders, holding back ideas when you’re younger or lower in rank, or being dominant if seniors are not careful. Because of that, I’ve become sensitive to power dynamics in conversations and sometimes even overreact when I sense that people are being either too hesitant or too dominant.
With the Beauvais kids, though, there was a connection, a liveliness, a curiosity, and a comfort in sharing that I rarely experience among multi generations. I also noticed that Jessica joined these conversations with her own stories and perspectives more freely and naturally than she usually does with just us or other adults. Seeing that made me really happy.
Last weekend, Izzy, the eldest daughter, and I talked about her college application thoughts. It led to some of my career stories of leaving a corporate finance job, moving to the US, and becoming an executive coach. I look forward to continuing our conversations in the coming months and years.
