23. Why self-authoring matters to me as an Asian American
What is self-authorship?
If you have been reading my articles in the past month, you probably noticed that I use the term “self-authoring” from Robert Kegan’s Adult Development Theory. When I first encountered his model, something clicked. It gave me language for a tension I had long carried but never fully named—the pull between who others expected me to be and who I wanted to become.
Kegan describes five stages of meaning making, but three are central in adulthood. In the Socialized Mind, identity is shaped by others’ expectations. Meeting the demands of family, work, and community defines success. In the Self-Authoring Mind, we are guided by an internal compass and try to contribute meaningfully based on self-guided values. In the Self-Transforming Mind, even our own values become “object”—something we can examine, revise, and place in relation to other systems.
He suggests fewer than half of adults reach a Self-Authoring Mind, and fewer than five percent reach Self-Transforming. Most of us are somewhere in the transition from Socialized to Self-Authoring. Many live with a quiet inner conflict: the pull to conform to social, cultural, or religious expectations, and the sense that something does not quite fit. How we respond to that conflict—whether by suppressing it, overcompensating, or reflecting on it—often reveals where we are in this developmental journey.
This idea is not new. Across history, philosophers and writers have emphasized the importance of becoming oneself by breaking away from tradition and social pressure. The Transcendentalists—Emerson, Thoreau, and Hawthorne—urged individuals to trust their inner voice over conformity. European thinkers like Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Sartre, and de Beauvoir explored self-definition, personal freedom, and the courage to reject inherited belief systems, including religion.
In my view, Kegan’s language of “Self-Authoring” captures what these earlier thinkers intuited: the lifelong work of recognizing conformity in its many forms and still choosing to connect with one’s own values, talents, and purposes.
What self-authoring looks like in practice
Self-authorship shows up in everyday choices. One client once believed grit meant success, pushing through tedious work by sheer willpower. Feedback that he appeared “too rehearsed” exposed the cost of blind perseverance, and he began to see that grit without alignment is just endurance.
Another client stayed too long in draining roles because she felt she had to excel at everything. Only when she named her true values—connection, growth, responsibility—did she begin to free herself from others’ expectations and step toward authorship.
From my coaching, the clearest signals of self-authoring include:
Recognizing conflicts between your organization’s culture and the way you want to live and work.
Voicing dissent respectfully, even to higher ups, while anticipating resistance.
Leaving when an environment no longer aligns with who you are becoming.
Choosing to stay when a relationship or culture carries meaning worth honoring.
Pushing yourself to act differently, even when uncomfortable, because discomfort signals growth.
Caring for yourself and pressing forward even when you receive critical feedback for trying something new.
These are not abstract principles. They are lived choices that ask us to weigh external expectations and decide: what is mine to accept, what is mine to resist, and what is mine to create?
Self portrait, Yoon Seok Nam
A personal turning point
I have come to recognize three defining moments in my own journey toward self-authorship. Each holds its own lesson, and I have written about them in more depth elsewhere:
My first step toward self-authorship: In my early 30s, facing the rigidity of organizational norms and hierarchical culture, I secretly applied to roles in the United States, ultimately forging a path aligned with my curiosity and strengths. Read more → My First Step Toward Self-Authorship
Failure as catalyst: A painful leadership failure forced me to confront my reactive tendencies, emotional patterns, and resistance to vulnerability. It became a wake-up call that set me on a course of deeper reflection and transformation. Read more → Failure: The Fast Road to Self-Authorship
The Copenhagen experiment: A small act of self-authorship—living and working abroad without seeking permission—helped me break habitual restraint and honor my own desires. Read more → The Copenhagen Experiment
These moments are not just milestones—they are ongoing invitations to ask: Where am I neglecting my truth? How vulnerable can I become? How fully can I lean into authorship?
Self-authorship and leadership
Leadership research confirms what I have seen in practice. In Scaling Leadership, Bob Anderson and Bill Adams found that executives operating from self-authoring and self-transforming minds were rated far more effective by peers, subordinates, and boards. Leaders stuck in earlier reactive habits—seeking approval, controlling through fear, or over relying on intellect—were consistently less impactful.
Self-authoring leaders are not always the loudest or most charismatic. They stand out for their coherence. Their values, actions, and presence align. They are grounded, calm, and open to collaboration. Because their worth does not depend on being the smartest in the room, they invite others’ expertise, ask better questions, and build trust more naturally. Their humility is not insecurity—it is confidence in motion.
These leaders also know their boundaries. They focus on what matters most, say no with clarity, and avoid overextending themselves to please everyone. The result is a presence often described as “focused ease,” assertive without aggression, humble without smallness, powerful because it comes from within.
Why self-authorship sustains leadership
Self-authorship creates the foundation for sustainable leadership. Leaders with a self-authoring mind are less reactive to praise or criticism and more anchored in purpose. This stability allows them to navigate ambiguity, adapt without losing direction, and model integrity in times of pressure.
Organizations led by such leaders also benefit. Because self-authoring leaders invite diverse perspectives without being threatened, they cultivate trust and psychological safety, which in turn drive innovation and long-term performance. Their ability to align personal values with organizational purpose makes them less likely to burn out or lead by fear. Instead, they create environments where others can grow into their own authorship, multiplying leadership capacity across the system.
In short, self-authorship does not just make individual leaders more grounded—it makes organizations more resilient and sustainable.
Why this matters especially for Asian Americans
The path from Socialized to Self-Authoring Mind does not come automatically with age or education. It emerges through cycles of dissonance, reflection, and courageous experimentation. Something stops working, discomfort builds, and eventually we ask: What am I doing? Why? Whose expectations am I living by?
For Asian Americans, this process is especially complex. Our cultural influences—filial piety, group-based thinking, and deference to hierarchical norms—often blur the clarity needed for self-reflection. When dissonance arises, we are taught to suppress it: Do not rock the boat. Be grateful. Make the group proud. These values foster harmony and resilience, but they also discourage questioning and doing things differently, the very acts self-authorship requires.
One client was raised never to show weakness. She excelled in credentials and achievement but admitted her ambitions were really her parents’. Her first step toward authorship was letting go of control on projects and allowing her team to take a different approach. The surprise was that trust and collaboration deepened.
Another client avoided speaking unless she was certain she was right. She over prepared for everything, terrified of being wrong. Her experiments—saying no, projecting her voice, speaking even when unsure—helped her see that credibility comes not from perfection but from presence.
Perhaps one of the highest forms of self-authoring is not rejecting culture, but holding it alongside individuality. For Asian Americans, that means embracing both:
The culture, heritage, norms, and even the trauma that shaped us, our families, and our communities.
Our own values, talents, and purposes, as they emerge through reflection and experience.
Self-authorship means seeing culture and history clearly—its gifts and its harms—and still choosing a path that is fiercely our own. To carry both heritage and authorship together is demanding, but it is also what allows Asian American leaders to be whole, resilient, and free.
The bottom line
Self-authorship is not a luxury. It is what enables leaders to navigate complexity with integrity, to sustain purpose in the face of competing demands, and to shape systems rather than be shaped by them. For Asian Americans, with our unique mix of cultural inheritance and modern pressures, cultivating a self-authoring mind is more than personal growth. It is a vital step toward wholeness, resilience, and sustainable leadership.