The Limits of My Book: A Caveat

I decided to write a book to offer a different perspective on Asian Americans and leadership. At its core, the book explores how self-authoring, a concept from Robert Kegan’s Adult Development Theory, is essential to effective and sustainable leadership. I connect this to the deeply rooted Asian cultural influences, such as filial piety (strong expectation to follow parents’ intention and direction), group-based thinking (narrow definition of success, good or bad), and deference to hierarchical norms as strong forces that, when overemphasized, keep Asian Americans becoming self-authoring. The book offers experience-based insights and practical suggestions to recognize this pattern, discover one’s path, and practice experimentation for change.

As I’ve been writing different sections of the book, one of the main challenges I’ve faced is my mental block around whether I’m overgeneralizing the Asian American experience. Will this resonate with all Asian Americans? What if someone says their experience was very different and asks what it’s based on? Should I declare that this book is only for 1st generation Korean Americans, like me? Even that representation can grossly generalize things. Then, should it be written as my own memoir? My attempt of sharing the theme is based on my executive coaching experience with many Asian American clients together with my own journey of becoming a leader as an Asian American. A large part of this book is grounded in my personal experience and what I’ve learned from it. While I believe much of it can apply to other Asian Americans, I cannot claim to represent the full spectrum of such a broad and diverse group. The concern of potential criticism has at times made it difficult to write freely. My coach encouraged me to write a caveat section to recognize my concern and this is that.

One of the biggest limitations of this book is that I am attempting to represent a group of human beings as though there is a cohesive theme that applies to all. Trying to make sense of patterns of a group inevitably comes with limitations. On one hand, we are all human. And many of our struggles, regardless of cultural origin, socioeconomic background, or ethnicity, are universally shared. On the other hand, every single one of us is uniquely shaped by our DNA and life experiences. So, I understand that some Asian American readers may not resonate with the themes in this book. One close friend, a 1.5-generation Korean American, told me she relates to some of the themes, but she firmly believes her resonance is not because she’s Korean American, but because the issues I discuss are common to many human beings. Another peer reviewer pointed out that his experience as an Asian American was quite different from what I describe. I know there are many Asian Americans who feel this way. 

Another important caveat is the risk of overgeneralizing across different immigrant generations such as 1st, 1.5, and 2nd or 3rd generations. I believe the experience of 2nd generation Asian Americans is quite different from that of 1st generation immigrants. For example, out of seven surface patterns I identify and explore in this book, ((1) the need to be the best at everything, (2) an aimless pursuit of a narrow definition of success (such as academics or job selection), (3) difficulty asking for help, sharing mistakes, or self-promoting, (4) discomfort with disagreement, challenging authority, or setting boundaries, (5) overreliance on individual expertise rather than leveraging relationships, (6) emotional distancing or hyper-individualism, and (7) being uncharacteristically blunt or harsh under stress), the expression of each varies by generation. First-generation Asian Americans may visibly struggle more with asking for help or speaking up to authority figures, whereas 2nd generation individuals often internalize the need to be the best or depend on their individual competence in subtler ways, often hidden behind fluency in American norms but still shaped by inherited expectations. Failing to attend to these generational nuances risks misrepresenting or oversimplifying leadership and identity journeys. Below, you will see some of the more obvious patterns I see by different generation groups, represented by more marks.

[Surface patterns represented by 1st generation vs. 1.5 or 2nd generation Asian Americans]

More marks represent stronger connections with the surface patterns

Lastly, I recognize that applying a single theme to “Asian Americans” as a whole risks glossing over the diversity of experiences that come from different countries of origin. In particular, I sense there are meaningful differences in the leadership journeys of South Asian Americans (e.g., Indian or Pakistani Americans) compared to East Asian Americans (e.g., Chinese, Japanese, or Korean Americans). The influence of certain cultural forces, especially group-based thinking and deference to authority, can differ significantly between these subgroups. Their leadership behaviors also tend to show different patterns. In my experience, both groups often demonstrate a strong reliance on individual expertise, but South Asians tend to exhibit less difficulty in disagreeing with others or challenging authority. There are also studies showing that Indian Americans are represented differently in U.S. leadership roles than East or Southeast Asians. Some research even suggests that the “bamboo ceiling”—the barrier to leadership for Asian Americans—may not apply equally to South Asian Americans. I acknowledge that this book lacks a deeper explanation or analysis of these distinctions. Additionally, my coaching experience with Southeast Asian Americans—those with backgrounds from countries such as Thailand, the Philippines, Malaysia, and Indonesia—is limited. As a result, the insights and themes shared in this book may not fully reflect their experiences either.

Even with these limitations, I believe it is still worthwhile to share what I discovered and analyzed with other Asian Americans, or anyone who might benefit from reading them, because I see real, meaningful group dynamics that deserve discussion. My hope is that this book helps you find clarity about your life and your relationships with others, and encourages you to honor your values, talents, and purpose with greater courage.

So, if you’re Asian American and don’t immediately identify with these themes, I invite you to reflect on your life a little more deeply. And if they still don’t resonate, I fully acknowledge that this book may not reflect your experience. Or maybe you’re already living as a self-authoring leader, and if so, I hope this book still offers a mirror, a companion, or simply a knowing nod along the way.