Showing up at my reunion

I spent three days reconnecting with my MBA classmates at our 20th reunion last May.

For many months leading up to it, I was excited and nervous in equal measure. Nervous about seeing someone I remembered and having them not recognize me. Nervous about standing in a corner while everyone else was mid-laugh with someone they'd known for years.

On the first afternoon, I sat at home and checked my phone for no reason. I told myself: you have the class dinner tomorrow. That's the one that matters. You don't have to go today.

I'm an executive coach. I work with leaders on confidence, presence, and the willingness to show up before you feel ready. ‘So silly’ I thought. A Korean saying came to mind: "A monk cannot shave his own head." I'd been reading Ellen Hendriksen's How to Be Yourself around that time. She writes that confidence doesn't come first. Action helps gain confidence. That reframe helped. 

To my surprise, I said hi to everyone I saw, even people I'd barely spoken to during school. And also to my surprise, everyone, I mean really everyone, greeted me with warmth and curiosity. Two of them thought I was someone else. Even that was fine.

That weekend, I reconnected with over 100 alumni. More importantly, I sat down with all of my dear core team members who I spent most of my first semester with and some of the closest friends in my section, the people who knew me as a shy, curious, eager Korean in his early 30s whose English was still catching up to his thoughts. Out of roughly 200 people gathered, about 20 percent were in some kind of transition, stepping away from long careers, taking deliberate time off, figuring out what comes next. They talked about these life transitions quite openly, much more so than our last reunion 10 years ago.   

Hendriksen says shyness is a "package deal" that comes with thoughtfulness and empathy. I'm glad I looked at the shyness, felt the discomfort, and said hi to everyone anyway. Several conversations that followed filled me up with deep connection and meaning.